Meet the New Box, Same as the Old Box

skating, having drank many beers? no problem

skating on benzodiazepines? fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucuckckccklnckdans;cakjfa;dslkjfas;fkj

That's pretty much how the session went. It was pouring rain all day, and I've recently been given a golden shaft of light through the clouds that makes life possible to get things done in (but makes grammar more difficult as I adjust to dosage etc). Because of doctors appointments, I missed afternoon work, and because of unspecified ailments, my evening client cancelled. So I went to the bridge to check out the new box. 

The old box (a chunk of which is still there behind the railing, I almost stole it for old time sake) was easily the most heavily skated single thing in our country. It had some flaws, like the metal was weird and rounded and sticky, and the cement on top was prone to moon cratering. Nonetheless, it was the 3 ft by 10ft epicenter of skating in Taiwan. Over the years, it has been repaired a few times. Usually badly, because dickheads don't appreciate the work of others, and skated it before the cement was cured. 

This time, god bless em, the made the entire thing out of fucking metal. It's now a big square metal rectangle on top. It's slides faster than lubbed fuck, and it reflects the annoyingly bright lights, and I presume it would be like falling on a hot waffle iron if you skated it in the day time, and it will be suicidally slick if any pos waxes more than the edge of it, but I am betting that it will last 1000 years of use. As it should be. It was always a quirky spot, and I'm glad that it's been made more permanenter and hasn't lsot its localness. 

My session sucked but I wore enough holes through the nikes to relace them and hang from the rafters. The era of $10 DCs has begun. The problem is they feel like skating in assless chaps. The toes are fine, but the heel is just … not even there. Maybe I'll eventually get used ot it. Also the session started and ended with a shit eating on a loose tile on the way to the bridge. That side walk sucks.  

2 legit 2 quit

Sometimes, it's hard to put these experiences into words. Which is the point.

I  worked the 996+a few, (why are the Chinese so lazy?) and heard about a session that kicked off at city hall station. I showed up 30 min late and rode the sidewalk up and down frantically, through the human terrain, which was thick and nasty. Eventually, RMJ showed up, and then eventually eventually, so did IM. We tried to find a toilet, and failed, but then went across  a few streets to a crazy new plaza, in the shadow of 101. It's not a new plaza, per se, but I haven't been that way in so long that so many new buildings are going up in that area that it's like a new city now.

The first spot was a low, pink marble curb. It's a plaza, and has some tall ledges, and a couple of tall tall ledges at the 5 stair level. The low curb is down sloped, so it's super hard to lock into. Eventually, I got a few, in both directions. The other guys got better ones, and I was getting pumped up, because I was coming down from three beers, and was feeling loosey goosey.

RMJ was the tour guide. He took us to the next spot, which was the plaza of an international hotel chain. in the middle of their car/check in area is a large, chest high fountain, which can be **** ****** and which was **********, copiously, by my friends. It's too steep for me, so I watched them weave between taxis and ubers (fuck taxi) and we left without even being kicked out.

After that, we skated a block to another ledge plaza. The stone was pink. We skated it. I got a water and a tuna fish sandwich from seven. I took pictures of ee ling ee, like a tourist. It's really the best building on earth. next door was a red slappy curb. so we slappied it for a while. it was fun.

After that, we were suddenly at bank of bank of china, because rmj is really good tour guiding. Its a world famous spot, with a series of wall rides to grinds, culminating in a long long seven stair, waxed at about head height, form the top. I'm not saying no one can actually skate it, i'm just saying I don't know who the fuck could ever skate that spot in that way. Anyway, the only time Ihaven't been immediately greeted by security there was a few years ago, when  I skated it with an American.

For some reason, tonight was a lucky night. we got about 20 min, with many wall rides and some bank tircks. Then security came, so we said sorry and dipped odwn the hill. Where we skated for half na hour, it was a flatground paradise, well lit and all marble for blocks. Eventually, someone called the cops, and a pair of security came out like the building was on fire, and hid behind the bushes, 3m away, to watch what we were doing. What we were doing was leaving, because why skate a place that's unwelcoming if you live in skate heaven.

Then we got kicked out of a spot that is a pair of banks, with a two stair plastic grind in between. We got enough time there that IM and I had sat down to talk by the time security came out. It's a unique and classic spot.

From there, an unnamed member of the crew had to drop a deuce, and did so at an mrt station. Im and I skated my empty Sapporo can and I slammed on a ******.

weh n rmj came back out, we saw the UFO dog truck. I heard it from three blocks away.

We skated back across the city, crouching, touching obstables and slapping signs, touching cars and rubbing taxis.

we got more beer and skated the bushy banks, which have now been covered with caution tape.

I left the homies there and a zip zinging nooodler of a skate home.

skating is about keeping on skating until you just cant do it anymore.

A Moment I Will Remember Forever

I don't know if there's a word for this kind of thing, but there have been a few mundane moments in my life when I thought, "I'm going to remember this forever, but I don't know why." The latest one happened yesterday on the blue line: someone had dropped their glasses on the ground. It was bothering me a lot, that the glasses were there, eventually to be crushed underfoot, so I bent over and picked them up and offered them to the lady sitting next to me. She declined. I put the glasses on the bench in between us. A few stations later, I got up and got off the train.

Review of Taoyuan's Skatepark

Technically, the park is in Zhongli. It sucks, because it's a skatepark, but it sucks less than some parks. However, the surface is like cement x sand paper and shade is a commodity in short demand.

Maybe Zhongli is considered to be another city, or maybe it's just a neighborhood in Taoyuan. Technically, we call that place Foulyuan, because it's a cancer ridden plague city of industrial pollution, and it looks the part. I love that place. No, not true, but I love the skaters who come out of there. Think of Cuyahoga River, but spread across an entire city, and also, no one ever cleaned it up. Panic, one of the coolest shops in Taiwan is there.

IM, who lives in linkou, invited me out to skate at the skatepark there. I met with lzyk to do some shopping and then she dropped me off at the park. It immediately started raining cause it's Taiwan, so I sent a msg to IM on line to cancel, luckily, he was able to get off his bus. Unluckily, it basically unrained and I was 2km from the train to get to his place.

I had one of the most pleasant cruises of my life. A wide, boisterous river there had smooth, stone river path beside it, downhill at the river's grade, all the way. I cant do many tricks anymore (fu steve, I know I never really could, I'm just trying to brag on the internet) but I got warmed up by the gurgling river and ****** a few things and ******* and ***-****** and ***ed and was kind of getting into the flow of it. Nothing is better than a slightly downhill cruise. Some little kids on bikes got on me like parasites, and shouted with glee at every trick, but the ones that made them laugh were the best.

I couldn't understand if IM wanted to swim at a pool or play pool. It turned out to be play pool. It was excellent, but I wish we had skated more.

I met lzyk again, but only for a bit and then went back to Taipei on the last train.

RMJ was waiting and we cruised. and cruised. and there is really nothing that gets at the essence of this activity that I love more that cruising. Cruise your local spots. You have a duty. Noone should know them better than you do.

There's nothing wrong with skateparks. It's just that they're boring, and only boring people skate them.  Freebird, arguably the coolest shop in Taiwan, is nearby. Taoyuan is gritty and cool, especially if you're into cruising and street skating. Don't waste your time at skateparks. Go skate the terrain you live in, no matter how difficult it is. People skate in Portland, for Christ's sake.

New Normal

My morning class cancelled, so I only had to teach second graders and high schoolers. I just deleted my rant about the individuals in question because I heard RMJ's voice in my head say not to post that kind of detail. Thanks man.

I took lzyk to eat at hotpot that was super good, really high quality for $1200 total. We had a good talk, except for when I told her I want to buy the cheapest apartment in Taipei and stop paying rent and sell it in a few years and move up. She berated me for having such a stupid opinion and my response wasn't the most diplomatic move I've ever made, and we icily at the rest of the otherwise good meal and she promised me her concall would be 20 min or less, but it was 80. Just before it started, I got a message that my cousin had been shot in an apparent drive-by, as he got off night shift. America is incredibly fucked. After several hours of no other information, sitting in the zhongshan underground hall, looking at the floor, we walked back to her car. On the way, I ran into a street cat, who was meowling. She rolled and turned on the ground, tried to bite me, casually, when I tried to pet her, and then meowled a lot more. I bought her some canned tuna, assuming she was hungry. She pushed most of it off the ledge I put it on, and then resumed turning and turning and meowling on the ground. lzyk went back to get her some water, and I thought about how I had almost been hit moments before, tryingto cross the street. we both made it, and right when she came back, my sister called to say my cousin was out of surgery but would have to have another minor one in a few days. At least he'll live. America is to guns as Taiwan is to traffic.

When I got back home, things had returned to normal. I had left my umbrella in lzyk's car (she asked what I meant by that, but honestly it was just an accident), the blister beetles have returned in my bathroom (I soaked tehm with spray alcohol) it's 30 inside my house at 0300 and it's 100% humidity. At least I finished my lesson plans, which are only 4 days past deadline.

Im thinking maybe I should skate tomorrow.

Koreans are good people

I woke up at dawn and it was hot. I tried to sleep it off, but it didn't really work. By the time I got to skymother, my tie had chalky dried sweat on it. I barely remember the class. I rushed back across the city to do an office call, and an earthquake struck while I was on the MRT. Hundreds of cellphones chirped emergency warnings nearly simultaneously, and the train slammed to a halt. I wasn't sure if it was a missle attack from the Chinese or an earthquake, but everybody else looked shook for a minute or two. Then we went back to normal. Then I taught the highest floor class I've done so far, and then I rushed back across the city again to the final session of the day. I got home and talked to lzyk for an hour, then a benevolent and intelligent jumping spider appeared on my pillow and I caught him and put him out. He was still lurking in my shoes when I got back hours later.

I slapped on my best taike shorts and went out towards food street, looking for food. A young man with halting English came up and asked if he could use my phone. It felt like a scam, so I asked him why and it turns out he was Korean, and locked out of his Airbnb, with no battery, and a friend in tow. We worked the problem for an hour, trying the police station, who didn't have a charger, but did have a cop with a busted up face and locked front doors, and we marched around trying to figure out hwo to get htem back inside. In despair, they showed me the window of the place, and some how one of htem noticed that the owner's phone number was on the wall. With that, I added tehm on line and got the code to get inside, by writing in Chinese. I felt accomplished. Then we beered up and I took them up food street to get salt water chicken. They taught me how to say "what is that guy doing" in Korean, because that guy was weirdly squatting in the road and laying out what looked like a picnic blanket, and then picked it back up. We never figured out what that guy was doing. Then we went up to linsen and ate salt water chicken and drank more beer. They want to go to nightmarket tomorrow, so maybe I will. I need to spend some time in korea. Fucking awesome people.

There is no sorrow when we break bread together

having drank lots of beers, I have not many things on values to tell you, dear reader. the most stressfulness week of my lifetime is finishing and It might have ended. well . my feeling is to have kilt it. I made the important people laughing. we shaked the hands and now the morning birds are signing. this is largely because the IS an dthe RMJ came to drank the beers together after having skateding and after I, having professionally surpassed the most moment, also consumed the beers. workers in Taiwan are essiantally slaves, and some and thing and something and something jesusc Christ I m tired I m goind to sleep. fuck.

You're the richest guy I know. Yes, and I'd Give it all up, for just a little more.

I am worse at planning than Maginot. Passports, panic attacks, emergency rooms, benzodiazepines, moving into the big leagues, little crumbs falling through the cracks, gaining face, losing face, negotiating pay, customer centricity, premature balding, a grey chest hair, dinner with an ex or maybe we can work it out, kickoffs and product expos, new hoes and new clothes are all normalg knows. Demonstrating Euclidian and non-Euclidian squares on a balloon and then popping it, ruby on and off rails, SD-WAN security, higher dimensionality and expiring residency visas, javascript and chyroplastic flows, pythons and uncontacted tribes (Adolphe says to gun em down. why? because we can). Peripheral tremors and hyperventilation, we're going to give you a shot of this (holds up red tube) That's be $1000ntd please. What is your best offer? "I want one MILLION DOLLARS!!" uh, sir, that's not actually a lot of money anymore. Inflation and PPP and peepee's drawn on the whiteboard. Cutting back on liquor only cuts back on one of a dozen dozen other problems. I no longer day dream about skating, unless I walk past a spot. Any foreigner with a kickflip can get $15000 a day. Tiny strawberries are coming up, I pull the sheets back, it's 40 degrees and I feel like I'm dying, life's getting hard in here so I do some gardening, anything to take my mind away from where it's supposed to be. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bcnIhzaDTd0

I like saying quark. Quark Quark Quark.

Dear Sir, I regret to inform you that your company's charcoal is the worst charcoal on the face of the earth. I ran out of red melty firestarters, so I tried to use paper to get it going, but it didn't work, and then I went out and bought $180 of zippo fluid because lighter fluid doesn't exist here, and that didn't work, so then I built a pyramid of your terrible charcoal over a pile of zippo soaked paper balls and a bag of lay's potato chips and I ZOOMED it and while it burned for a while, I still had to burn the larger part of an empty notebook to get the motherfucker to go at all. Later, I cooked a lot of meet on it. that wasn't tonight thought, but I still have left over meat.

Up Down Top Bottom Strange Charm. I am just a parrot repeating words I don't understand. Signposts and milestones and deliverables and critical paths and one day, someone is going to realize that I'm faking all of this and I don't actually understand anything.

Huntsman 0 - 1 NormalG

Stress levels are pretty high today. This is maybe partly cause I live in a house the size of a postage stamp, with an eight legged roommate the size of my face. That is, I used to live with an arachnid roommate. Unable to sleep, stressing about tomorrow's endless avalanche of shit, I went to take a shower and there it was on the tiles. It was only the second time I'd ever seen the bugger. I grabbed the toilet brush, as it was the handiest weapon around, and swung with all my might. My first blow angered the spider, and it sprinted across the floor, trying to outflank me. I swung again and again, raining blows down on its enormous back. Nearly as broad as a horse, the beast reared up and tried to finish me, first to the left, and then to the right. As I retreated, it unsheathed my toothbrush and started using it to parry the swipes from the toilet brush. Our swords clanged again and again, in a dance of death so harrowing only those who've been in a swordfight with a goliath huntsman can actually imagine. It was then that I made a nearly fatal error. I lost my concentration for a split second and down came his monsterous foot - it was bigger than my own. He pinned my foot down and unbalanced me, then jabbed with his weapon. I fell to the ground, and he laughed mercilessly, as is their cruel way. The huntsman thought he had me, but I had one trick up my sleeve. Actually, in my pocket. POCKETSAND ! I flung the sand in his beady evil eyes and he roared in pain. Indiana Jones music started playing and barrel rolled over to my toilet brush and plunged it straight into the huntsman's heart. He starred into my eyes in agonized surprise, as he tottered on the precipice of the building. His legs flailed in the air, trying futilely to balance himself. "NormalG," he cried, "tell my wife I "

I finished him with a heel to the thorax, before he could finished his sentence. I watched him tumble off the side of the building, turning over and over in the air, and he smashed down onto two taxis, crushing them completely. "Looks like the huntsman has become the hunted," I said, and lowered my kicking foot. His body twitched once, and became lifeless.