Wax Bandit Strikes Again

Taipei, Taiwan - Police today are on high alert after a criminal known as the Wax Bandit struck over the New Year's holiday. Investigators believe the excessive wax placed onto rails and angle irons at the bridge to have been caused by a single deranged individual. However, the chief of police made a statement to the press this morning, saying, "we cannot rule out that more than one asshole was involved in perpetrating this crime." The copious amount of wax found on nearly every metal surface at the bridge recalls the Great Wax Attack of 2015, when dozens of people were injured on their first tricks because of out zipping due to overwaxing. When asked about a possible motive, the spokeswoman for the Taipei Police Special Investigations Unit (TPSIU) was blunt; "Terrorism. Terrorism, plain and simple. The Wax Bandit is trying to injure as many people as possible." Disheartened by the dickheadedness of the Wax Bandit, one skater even went home early this afternoon, after slamming several times on the box. The brave pair who remained stated, "it's important not to let the Wax Bandit win. Of course we can't skate the bridge the way we would like today, but it's only by skating it that we can begin the healing process and get all this wax off." Although they worked diligently in the clean up effort, the fatter one was unable to do several tricks that he described as his "usual list for the bridge." At least it was a blue sky day.