The Great Migration Has Begun

Sometimes in nature, we are confronted by a spectacle so spectacular that we can only gaze on amazement. The aurora borealis, tornados, the wind gently winding across the mud puddle come to mind. In this pantheon are the great migrations of the world; the bison and monarch butterfly of north america, the wilderbeest of the serengeti, and the noble penguins who swim from north pole to south pole and back each year. Usually these migrations coicincide with the spawning of young. This is no different in skating. Every year, dozens and dozens of week old skate fry arrive at the bridge just as winter vacation begins. Today was no different. I didn't really feel like skating anyway. Good luck to their survival.

Windy 板橋

After a hellish week of work, the pink marble of Banciao was calling. I got there with a hand sized bruise on my ass from the last time I skated, but I don't even know how long ago that was. The Ledge was lit up this time, but filled with dancing grannies. Instead, I skated the down ledge and three stair with guy I hadn't met. Then RMJ and ZW showed up, with a flood of righteous  new tpc skaters. We ripped and tore through the plaza, and I got my first *** on the ledge and my mandatory **** ***** and ****** ****. Then RMJ and I went street skating, and found at least one spot per block. Such is skating in 板橋. The streets and sidewalks are wide and smooth like the water of a still, black lake. Because of the extra space, drivers are less furious and are almost civilized. We beered up and went to the King's Stoop, which is another giant open plaza with ledges all around. The wind picked up and it got colder. We sat in the forest, or at least nearby some trees, and the wind whipped the branches around overhead. We couldn't hear a single scooter there. The ghostly shadows of the leaves on the ground never stopped moving, tracing vague math on the marble for hours. I took a cab home and it was like coming to Taipei for the first time. Car people live a different life than I do.

A two trick session

It was raining so when I got off work I went to hte dogpiss ledges and smashed myself on the second attempt. then I went home.

The Orange Juice Bottle That Launched A Million Ollies

Old Man Back Pain reared his ugly head but the weather was clear and sunny, so I left for work roaring across the sidewalk tiles on the Black Beauty. I had only ever skated street a few times in my life before  I came to Taiwan, and it took some time to feel natural. There is so much going on that cruising becomes an extended trick. Taipei during the day time is a crowded place. I think only a few cities on Earth are anything like it. When you can get ahead of the pedestrians and bicyclists, such as at a recently green light, you've got to contend with the last scooters and taxis running through the red light, and the first scooters and taxis roaring away next to you; sometimes with overlap. I haven't skated in NYC, but from teh footage I've seen, it looks empty by comparison. We have a lot of loose tiles here, but maybe that's common everywhere. Like I said, I wasn't a street skater before, and I used to drive to spots. We have a surprisingly small amount of stones and debris because the city diligently sweeps and sprays the streets each night. When the streets are empty, they are very smooth, but that's only between 00:45 and 05:40.

I had planned to cruise around teh airport after work and skate the old yuanshan spots, but lzyk called and insisted I eat luwei with her so she could gossip about what it was she talked about. Just kidding, I was totally listening. I ended up cruising through unfamiliar streets and finding a small marble plaza with a three stair down, and a lowish marble ledge coming off the stair. It also works to manny from the perpendicular direction. Unlike my cruise to work, which was hurried and business like and carried out on familiar terrain where I've pretty much memorized every crack and pothole and loose tile and weird tropical tree that drops something like tiny black stones into the path and will put you in the asphalt if you hit one; my cruise to luwei was all virgin, and weirdly rewarding. I limited tricks to *****s and ******s across whatever painted sections I came across. I tried to seek out trash to ***** over, and only ***d or **-******d when my pushing leg got tired. I went down some single lane alleys, with more trash and less cars and scooters, the brutalist concrete appartments towering up over me on both sides; dogs and children playing in the doorways.

I *****d a discarded orange juice bottle and a child shouted in astonishment.

For some reason, I already know that I will remember that forever. He stood in the road behind me, and shouted more things that I half understood, and I htought about going back to talk to him, but I was thinking of meeting lzyk and kept going. I waved back to him over my shoulder, and he jumped up and down and shouted more. I regret not going back.

Once, I saw someone in NYC ollie a manhole cover in maybe 1996. It was astonishing, and it was a reason that I started skating. Maybe this kid will remember the orange juice bottle.

By the time I had gone halfway across the city, I was feeling cocky, and going through flatground tricks. This is really the only way to skate flatgound. I don't watch any competitive skating, because it isn't skating, but I would like for skateboarding to have a competition that is skating flatground lines down a street you've never seen. I supposed it should also include whatever other things are there, like ledges or whatever...... nah fuck it.

Edit: I forgot to mention that while we were waiting in line for luwei, I saw someone pushing up the lane, with a scooter behind him, honking incessantly. It was pretty funny. I dont know what he did to piss off that scooter, but it takes some work. I didn't recognize the guy. Godspeed, sir.

Lung Buster

I spent teh weekend laid up, becuase of back pain, and it didnt improve. I had sort of skeptically been planning to skate this morning, but by the time I went to sleep at 6 am, I knew it was a no go. When I actually woke up, I had just enough time to get to work and grind through the misery of making people do things taht make them miserable.

I got off and went to the kind of restaurant taht only korean tourists go to. what kind of food do they serve? only the most korean of korean food, that 80 year old korean tourists want to eat. taht's right, people pay to fly to taiwan and eat their own ethnic food. and rightfully so. this food was so fucking good that I have flown to korea, flown back, and flown over again, just to eat it. to start off, we had raw crab (wtfk?) and some rice drank, and then some hot grilled pork and a smorgasborg of other perfect things. it was extra weird to be totally surrounded by koreans the whole time. it was like being in gwinnett county. i felt homesick.

then we went to a bar that costs too much but makes cocktails just right. we had a few and planned our financial future. it was a nice mix of adulthood and how i lived my midtwenties. our plan is one a bar napkin. keep it simple stupid.

i dropped her off and picked up my skateboard. it was a late start, and i didn't have much in mind, maybe just a push up to the temple and back.

I went that way and popped a lot of ******s over crack and crevice, and slappied a variety of lil shits on teh way. I was still a little buzzed when i got there, but i had already bought a beer, so i had to pop the top and dive into the spot.

It's a truly magnificent one, and it hits you in layers. At first, you notice the mirror perfect stone surface. The next point of interest is the ebony black ledge. Then the 100 m long 3 stair that grinds without wax.  For these reasons alone, this is one of the premier skatespots in Taipei. But then the spot starts to grow outward, like a fungal infection. After the black ledge is a tile section, with low yellow metal flat rails. Up from there is a triple series of tiled sidewalk kickers; theyre small, but unique. starting from there, you can ideally get three tricks, one on each pink dolphin, then something on the rail, and then something else on the ledge. Then there are two sets of long granite benches, and the opposite facing stairs.

A miracle happened and I realized that I have been a dumbass for years, and could keep going. After the stairs, you have ot ***** some rough broken tile, then go up a level. Then you have another long stone curb, but I skipped it all night to get enough speed for the waist high kicker to flat to kicker. I never made it across, but I'm sure someone with the talent can do it. Then, it's down the other side, and into the street, with a two stair up on the other side. then it's another long three stair for grinding, and then another. and then another two stair for grinding.

I never got a good line through it all, but my chest was exploding at the end of each run. It's probably 500 m from one side ot the other. There are so many things to skate in between taht even i have to skip possibilities. filming is silly, but if i could ever plan something to film, it would be a 60 second line down all that.

I went home because i realized i hadnt given my old vans a sky burial. I took them to the bridge but it was all locked up, so i threw them on top of the guard's box. If he was in there, I guess he probably woke up. then i skated home, with a new beer, and got a first try *-* on the stone near home.

There is something to be said for a trick done while cruising. It's more meaningful than a trick done any other way. It has to be done first try, and it has to be done without really scouting the spot. this usually requires lots of local experience. I got another *-* and security flooded out to jabber at me to leave. Maybe I was drunk by that point, im not totally sure, but i couldnt understand anythign the old man was dribbling out of his mouth. I was sitting on the stair, saying, "I cant understand, I don't know, I'm not from Taiwan", but he didn't stop until I got up and pushed on into the night. I regret it. Sorry old man. You were right, and successful, in defending your stoop. I won't violate it again.

I also did a bank to **** ****, which was the first time ever. And some ** stuff that I hadn't done on a particular spot. And it all started on a trilogy of **** *****, ***** **, and ***** ***** ****** at the three stair, first try each. Taipei was beautiful tonight.

late night

We had to do a wedding, and it was about as good as could be hoped for. Something like 1,000 people, with dual 50ft projectors, a bottle of wine and a bottle of scotch at every table, 16 courses - some of which were endangered animals, local thug government oldies getting wasted and knocking shit over, and thumping beats over tinny screeching megaphone speeches. 

I was suppsoed to skate at banciao after with RMJ and skto, but (and now the internet lets me down adn I cant get 411 vm 5-9, so i have to skip to 10 - actually, i m glad that something has escaped the clutches of this tarpit) no one showed up and my phone was dead so I rode the blue line for 30 out there, foudn out the ledge is too dark (i hope that doesnt mean the spot is dead, but they definitely only killed the lights at the ledge) so I skated the rest of the plaza for an hour or so but noone else showed up and I didnt have a phone, so i caught the last train towards home. 

I got back to the hood and lzyk wanted to talk about things and go buy things, so we did for a minute, but i ended up going to the brown line. aww shit, i just found 411 issue 7. that's better than 10. 

I warmed up at the three stair and got the esseintails in too short of a time, but I accepted it and went to the brown line. to be specific, I went to the ledges that are in the middle of a six lane road, adn are only skatable between 1:00 and 4:00. I spent several hours there, waxing and attemping to skate the ledges, in between teh deluge of taxis and scooters that is still constant, even late at night. I got more *********s than ever before, and longer ones too, but i didnt come anythign like as close to hwat i wanted. I eventually ad temper tandtrum, after  some cops came up to watch and made me miss several lights pretending like i wasnt playing in traffic, and then i missed the next one completely, and gave up and skated home. 

on the way, i came up on the home park, with its lovely black and yellow rails around the perimeter. i tried the rail by the beer/ocd rules, which is, ten tries, unless you get closer than  a previous try, in which case you get ten more. but this was so late that the neighborhood was slient, and each try sounded like artillery, a,d and i never made it, adn i m emberrassed that i broke the rule sof ethical skating and skated my house late at night and pissed everyone off. worse, i didnt make it. 

411 -7 is maybe the first time i saw margera. 

as i left and pushed back home with some beer, a slew of cops came up. i had been deserving it all night. weirdly, they scooted past and i ducked into the home garage and they came back pas the other way and kept going. either they werent after me, or they didnt see me. 

Winter Wanderland

The rain blew out and the temperature dropped down into the single digits. RMJ recently moved to the other side of the world, so we agreed to meet up in the Middle Country for some skateboarding. I can't rmember the last time I skated the West Gate Plaza, it might have been before I went back to America. That isn't very interesting, but if you don't know about the plaza, it's interesting. It's pink marble with waist high ledges and 3 stair high legdes and marble curbs and marble 2 stair curbs and ground to waist high ledges on both sides on a down hill slope. There are also some large round flatrails, and a a weird ledge to other ledge to street thing that I'm not good enough to skate and some granite light blocks that the chosen ones can ******** over.

I used to love skating in sub 50 degrees. This time just made me geriatric. I couldnt get through flatground tricks, and it took 90 minutes to get roughly to the normal starting point on the ledges. RMJ on the other hand, put on such a virtuoso display that a sawty came up and filmed him for about 20 minutes. By the end of it, he was rolling away from things I didn't imagine, and didn't know he could do. We beered up and walked back to Main Station.

The winter weather put a spring back in my step, so I skated home to the three stair park and did my mandatory ******** and ****** ********. I wish I could have kept skating. After the three hours it took to warm up, I was ready to get into it, but I have to have on a tie in six hours. I only had a few beers, so at least I'll be sober for it.

411 update: by volume 2 i'm really sick of shitty flip in flip out nonsense and park footage.
411 update 2: by volume three, I'm pretty sure that noone has landed a new trick in at least 30 years. fake style got a lot more common though.
411 update 3: I'm pretty sure now that cardiel was the only skater with style at this piont in history. so far, in about three hours of footage, he has only appeared three times, and only done the same trick three times, and the first two times, i thought "who the fuck was that", but by the third one, i already knew who it was. also, new footage is overfloating with park material, but my god, these dudes used to just film at the same park. Also, the word "retarded" is offensive in modern times, but there is not a better way to describe the small wheels in 411 - vols 1-3. I know for a fact taht this bullshit had stopped by the time I started skating in georgia, so i'm pretty sure it must have stopped on the west coast at least a few years before hand. that's kind of weird. skaters in taiwan arent very far behind the trend wave in japan or america, but thirty years ago, even some regions of america were years behind others. also, teenagers cant understand how fucking stupid all of this is an adult. 

411-1993-now

In all this rain (it was dry for a night last week but I was laid up with some infectious nasal nonsense. It was mostly yellow), there has been little to no skateboarding in Taipei city for me. Anyone who accomplished anything in teh last couple of weeks deserves respect, even if it was done at nangang or under a bridge. Tonight, as the rain roars off the plastic awnings aroudn my building, I'm watching some 411. I'm going to watch all of them. I'm into the first episode, and I can admit that to the young and foolish, it looks like a compilation of badly filmed youtuber material, except they used to go a lot bigger, and they wore baggier clothes and jumped off the fourth floor into the hotel pool. The point that I would expect yougner and therefore less important skaters to realize is that no one filmed anything then, at least comparatively. There are even photos held for ten seconds and people doing tricks on curbs. There are lots of huge tricks, and frankly, a lot of flip in - flip out grinds and slides that i'll just never do. If you want to know what was happening 25 years ago, on a youtube level, watch as many 411s as you can stand. You could wear comfortable clothes while you skated curbs without shame, the way fat americans eat cake. Maybe the biggest difference is you can't see any fucking brands. At all.

I'd like to see skating fottage dys-balkanized. the internet shattered it inot a million peices. as much as it's not about filming or particular tricks, it also is. The internet is as old as 411.

Pop is a myth

The concept of pop is an invention of skateboard companies to try and trick you into selling more skateboards. They want you to think that your skateboard is worn out when it isn't. They're like the bankers. Skateboard companies start world wars just to make more profits. All honest and morally upright skaters skate the deck until it breaks. 

Except, today I heard my tail make a sound like a gunshot on a *********, and I thought it broke, but it was fine when I checked. After that, I lost about six inches of ollies. Just now, at home, I looked at the tail again, and the whole damn thing has delaminated in the middle. So long Black Bastard, you were a beautiful, if short lived deck. Well, I'm sure I'll keep skating you until you break, even though I suddenly can't ollie worth a fuck anymore. 

Wax Bandit Strikes Again

Taipei, Taiwan - Police today are on high alert after a criminal known as the Wax Bandit struck over the New Year's holiday. Investigators believe the excessive wax placed onto rails and angle irons at the bridge to have been caused by a single deranged individual. However, the chief of police made a statement to the press this morning, saying, "we cannot rule out that more than one asshole was involved in perpetrating this crime." The copious amount of wax found on nearly every metal surface at the bridge recalls the Great Wax Attack of 2015, when dozens of people were injured on their first tricks because of out zipping due to overwaxing. When asked about a possible motive, the spokeswoman for the Taipei Police Special Investigations Unit (TPSIU) was blunt; "Terrorism. Terrorism, plain and simple. The Wax Bandit is trying to injure as many people as possible." Disheartened by the dickheadedness of the Wax Bandit, one skater even went home early this afternoon, after slamming several times on the box. The brave pair who remained stated, "it's important not to let the Wax Bandit win. Of course we can't skate the bridge the way we would like today, but it's only by skating it that we can begin the healing process and get all this wax off." Although they worked diligently in the clean up effort, the fatter one was unable to do several tricks that he described as his "usual list for the bridge." At least it was a blue sky day.