I think god is moving its tongue

Let me think (about what?) about money, and new clothes (and what else?) thirty nights of violence and sugar to hold

It's silly, but I was stressed about bailing out of a contract, even thought I hadnt signed it. Then I got a message from teh victim saying obviously it was inconvenient but not to worry much. 

Free from shame, I went to an excellent coffee shop with a vicious tiny cat to prep some work and then off to the bridge for a day shift skate. It was pouring rain again. I walked in flipflops and it was mostly empty when I got there, but IS arrived shortly thereafter. Then a trickle of people came in for hours, until it was a hootenany of a riproaring good time. 

Since I'm accustomed to skating the bridge, I forgot how weird of a spot it is. At the moment, the central box is there, between the pillars of the six lanes above, and a pyramid and some hubbas and the old rail in the back and a manny pad. It's all going to be torn down in a few days because of some city plumbing project. I hope they dont obliterate the entire place. I might go see if I can get a brick from our beloved box, just in case, or even get the rails or wahtever metal we can salve from the place. It's going to be a real kick in the gut if the whole place goes. People show hate for the spot, but it is the beating heart of Taipei and nothing else even comes close. I think construction begins on Saturday, so maybe I can be there to watch the execution. 

This session was a weird sort of trial. I didn't skate all that well, but I got my 39 and some ** ****es on the box and a ***** ******** on the lil rail in the back, after the kpop filming ended. At this piont, I dont really remember the order of arrival, but BB was there, *** ****** and **-**ing the hubbas and some some kind of bboy *** to ***** to **_** on the lil rail. I felt guilty for speaking to him in english only, but I'm pretty sure hes from malaysia, so I guess it works out. 

As a trial, the bridge should be judged more for its social impact than the actual boxes, ramps, and rails. For example, I met a guy from my neck of the woods who's just passing through for a couple of weeks and found the place. I'll call him LV. Sawty was competent with hte *******s, and had ***** ***s giong on the boxes. A shy kid was trying ot say hello but I shot out of a ********* on the death rail and stumbled up beside another pair of foreigners from the Brasil. I'll call them JJ and P. They're high school kids fresh in the country on a year old exchange. My jealousy is overbrimming that these skaters, young enough to by my children, can come here and skate and study and develop their lives. It's a cheap and clean and safe city (nevermind that weirdo behind you in the golden sneakers) I've never had a serious security problem here and 

two minutes later, they came up because someone had stolen JJ's wallet and security card from home. I said I thought it was the golden shoe dude, but didn't really expect much to come from it. Turns out, they chased him down and got their shit back. That's manly shit. Don't fuck with brasilian skaters, even if they're still in high school. 

After that I talked to a taiwanese kid who was just getting started. Turns out, he's from the big T'yuan and swims for the college here. I asked about Panic, because I they treated me right a few years ago, and he had the shop sticker on his board. Small world. 

It was dark for a while, but eventually the lights came on. I couldn't keep going for too long after that. There's another homey I've seen there, getting started in teh back, with the tattooed arm. He was trying **** *****s so I tried to help, but I'm afraid it just came off as a dickmove. 

IS and I went for the beefnoodle bowl, and the beer on teh sidewalk with conversation and stares from the pedestrians. It was still pouring rain. 

Wear your insides, on the outside,
Show your enemy, what you look like

From the inside

Shedding your skin,
Showing your texture.
Time to let everything inside show.
You're cutting all ties
Now and forever, time to let
Everything outside you
Shed your casing, show your lines
And shapes

This is
Your chance revolt, resist!
Open your chest, look down, reach in.

Sun is hot and rain is hard

We haven't had a good typhoon this year, but it's been rainy for a long while. This time, it was pouring rain when I got the message that a meeting tonight was cancelled, so I was unusually at 18:30. In the driving rain, the only place to go was the bridge. I wasn't the only one with that idea. It was a ramroaring smashabout of a session, with probably three dozen skaters and wet edges around the outside. I spent most of it on the flatbar in teh back with IS and JofF, who I met for the first time. 38 and done.

The humidity was catastrophic. JofF stuck on some ********s and slammed hard more than once. IS nailed a pair ******s with that loud hissing scrape that the trucks make on a rail when you get it at a good speed. I got a couple of ** *****s, which wasn't new, but it had been a while.

Some asshole turned out the lights on us and hour early, so I talked shit even though I was grateful for hte excuse to post up and drink beer while the newly arrived college kids skated the mobile flatbar. It was a clinic and I left buzzed and impressed - many Taiwanese skaters refuse to skate in the dark, especially rails. IS and I cruised up a station or two and posted up in the yellow jacket rail park.

I got home and checked my phone and got no message about interview round 2. I hope I dont get one early in the morning.

Skate Detectives

Prologue: We took some friends and clients to eat extremely expensive hotpot. There was pork, steak, chicken, and duck. There was a massive square yard of seafood, including abalones, clams, scallops, six types of shrimp, two types of languines, and a pair of gigantic spined lobsters that I spiked my finger with while eating. There was another 10 lbs of parrotfish, and the regular assortment of duck blood, greens, corn, mountain medicine, and so on. I tried to eat all of it, but failed. In fact, our friends finished theirs about an hour before we did. Taiwanese people have a talent for eating massive amounts of food.

I had planned some skating with IS but as an unreliable person, I didn't show up on time at the appointed spot. But I eventually showed up, at main station, and the first spot was a no go due to hobo. Also, they (not hobos) had erected a massive tent complex around the spot, so I kickturned on it and we left.

RegentP was the next spot. It's another classic but it was covered in little hand grenades that had fallen down from the trees. If you hit one at even a slightly reasonable speed, you went down on your leading shoulder. IS did, but it was far from his last.

Even several hours into it, I was so full that I couldnt stand trying my 37 ********s. We tried a third spot, the tiny hubba on Zhongshan Bei. Security were milling around some scooters, inexplicably, so we were forced to beer up and wait for them to leave. We downed the beers and they kept standing there staring at us and the scooters. So we pushed north.

I had grinded out some *******s, but at this piont the session got a lot better. We went by the old stoop and skated flat in front of the family until a security came out and we left because he kept coughing at us. We visited a fantasy spot from years ago, only, it had been waxed and skated.

At yuanshan, we skated a curb and then IS announced his intention to ***** **** ***** the bank to marble ledge. He slammed on the hip and again on the arm and upper body, but left with it in the pocket. I've never seen it attempted there.

Two skaters passed us giong the other way through the park, but they were too cool to say hello. Call it generational differences.

We skreeeched through the club area at triangle and ended up with more beers by the green stairs. Then we started skating again. IS got locked into a battle. We had had too many beers and he had had too many slams, but he kept coming at it; hoes and more and more hoes pouring out of hte club like spilled honey, stumbling, talking on their phones, voicing joy about what we were doing. Well, what IS was doing. I was drinking and watching by that point. Of course, he made it. There was never any question.

We parted ways, in the rain, and I skated through the taxi lanes. The sun came up quick. It had started in the sky as we split up, and by the time I turned east, a few blocks south, the purple clouds had been lit up from beneath with gold. I tried to film it as I skated home. Filming things sucks, because it kills the real memories.

Skateboards Make Great Chairs, So Don't Sit on the Ground If You Have a Skateboard

In the middle of the week, a flower of a session grew. I'm pretty sure I could have managed to have a good time alone at WestDoor Plaza, but each friend magnified it by an order of magnitude. RMJ ran into me in the MRT and we started warming up on the smooth, slippery pink curbs and ledges and flatground. Then IS and MSCS rolled across the three acre plaza, and we got into with some slappies and so on. I worked through my *********s with MSCS giving me pointers, and goddam if that boy caint magically coach a skate session.

Security came to tell us that we had to leave at 10:00pm, but none of us had a watch, so we kept going and he walked off across the acres of marble. We might have gone over time; I'm not sure. Four people actively skating the spot makes it pretty frantic and in all the excitement, I lost track of time. I got most of my 35, so I was ready when it was time to leave.

The four of us spread out across the wide sidewalks and went north, making a racket. Tourists scrambled out of the way, and I finished by 35 on the way.

There is a strange ubiquotous wedding cake tiered kind of spot on this route. It's extrasmooth mirrored marble square planters around little trees, dozens in a row. They're curb height, but they're scalloped so that you have to lock in just right to avoid going face first into the soil and bushes, which I did first try. IS got a **-** ** *****, so cleanly, and we pushed on up the road.

I doubt that the west gate is actually as old as the internet says that it is, but I'm glad it's been saved from the relentless destruction that passes for development in Taipei. It's a massive red cube with a ... Taiwanese shaped roof. There's probably a word for that. Long long ago, I spent some quality time on the ancient rough stone under the arch trying to land a stationary ********. Nowadays, it's a top notch spot. It's a plaza in it's own right, for starters. It isn't the 3 acres of marble by the MRT, but it's probably half an acre total. It's a glorified roundabout, so traffic is pretty heavy. The surface is like skating on the top of a neutron star. There is a pit, from upper flat to 150 ft of lower, that makes a sizable three stair, with plenty of grass in between each stair. It's possible to skate laps arond the monument, but you have ot manny the two knee high mannypads to finish the lap. The pit is surrounded by marble curbs, with annoyingly bright futuristic underlighting.

The crowning glory of the spot is a pair of Taiwan's finest black granite ledges. They're low, but less than arm's length from the monument's fearsomely rough walls. I got an extra shitty ** **** after too much effort, but a french couple came up to ask us for directions and when we sent them on their way, the session had melted and devolved and transformed and been reborn as an entirely different creature.

MSCS is a skate crazy. Some how he got into his head to * ***** the entirity of one of those ledges. Wax went on, adn the effort started. To put into context, this dude skates everyday. Infact, I'm not sure he does much else. I assume he eats sometimes, but I can't recall seeing it happen. I'm not sure if he bathes, but that's besides the point. He's a skateboarding maniac, and I don't think anyone in Taipei is more devoted to the practice of this sect of foreigner. On this day, he ripped out a toenail because it was ingrown and "annoying [him]." Then he skated the whole session, sober, as always. Then he got into this trick battle, and cops came. We let them pass; they signed their documents, and left us to get on with it. By that I mean, watchign mscs try at precisely the speed he could still run it out if it stuck, which it did a few times. Of course, he made it. You don't tear your toenails off and skate all night to throw yourself at wall of fleshshredding destruction and not get it.

We split up and rmj and I went to beer up. Main Station a nasty nasty massive building with hudnreds of hobos pissing and shitty everywhere. This is foreshadowing, but I'd like to remind everyone to use your skateboard as a chair when in a nasty ass fucking shithole like that.

We talked about all the stuff you talk about in that sort of post skate late night in the city on a weeknight state of mind. A gibbering hobo came up and upgobbled words at us that I kind of understood, so I thanked him and asked him whatever questions I could think of, and finally told him I couldn't understand. Later, when I cracked my next beer, I realized that he had been gibbering at us not to sit on that ledge, because the legion of homeless people use it as a urinal. My palms reeked so strongly of piss that I almost vomited when I raised the beer to my mouth. As the peices of the jigsaw puzzle clipped together and I realized what had happened, there was nothign to do but slam anotehr beer. Fucking vile. One of the all time most disgusting experiences of my life, like the kiss of poseidon from a public toilet.

Because it was so sweaty, I think my hands mostly got cleaned off by skating home. I hope I didn't contract fucking hep c or something from fucking hobo piss.

Shoulda Skated

I went to the hospital again and got more liquid brown medicine. And inhalers and assorted pills. The night was finally dry for a short few hours, but I didn't sleep the night before and worked all day. A terrible sick joke was played on me and I passed out at the house at 20:00 and woke up having dreamt of a hunstman spider in my sleeping bag while camping in the smokey mountains, but I felt totally refreshed. It was 22:00. I sat around feeling creeped out and then didn't skate. I regret that. Now I'm watching Alig and stressign about new contracts.

Lest I Forgot

Breaking News is broken news, more often than not in Taiwan. The best example in a long time is sordid tale of rogue foreign sunbathers in Changhua. I swear this had nothing to do with me. Obviously, neither do any of these articles, but they will illustrate the level of ... news in Asia (since googling the first story, I found more versions in Hong Kong and Korean "news" as well).

Manhunt Launched for Sunbathing Foreigners

Police in Changhua County failed to apprehend two foreigners who were spotted sunbathing on a traffic separator outside the Changhua County Art Museum today.

At around 4:00pm, two men of Caucasian appearance were spotted sitting topless on a blanket on a painted traffic divider at the intersection of Gongyuan Road and Dongmin Street. Enthusiastic citizens took photographs of the pair and uploaded them to the Facebook Group “Changhua People’s Affairs,” urging drivers to take care when passing through the vicinity.

A member of the Facebook group speculated that the foreigners may have been drunk.

“Otherwise it is possible that they mistook Taiwan for Hawaii,” another responded.

“It’s possible that foreigners don’t know that that one cannot sunbathe on roads and parks in Taiwan,” a sympathetic citizen added.

Police at the local Lushan Police Station were eventually alerted to the situation while browsing on Facebook at around 4:40pm. However, by the time officers arrived at the scene, the semi-naked foreigners were nowhere to be seen.

Police said that if found, the suspects may be fined NT$300 (AUD13.35) for sitting, or laying on a traffic route, and hindering traffic.

Taiwanese motorists baffled by sight of foreign men sunbathing on city street

Westerners strip down to their shorts and lay beach towels on the tarmac in apparent prank.

Photographs and video footage shared online showed the two Westerners, dressed only in shorts, arranging a towel on a hatched area of the road in Changhua and sitting down.

While the stunt appeared to be a prank, some social media users failed to see the funny side and issued sombre warnings to road users.

“People riding and driving on the road should be careful as foreigners are sunbathing there,” a person wrote as an accompanying note to images posted on Facebook.

Another commenter described the men’s behaviour as “very dangerous”, while a third suggested they had mistaken the road for a beach in Hawaii.

Others were less concerned about the safety issue and suggested the pair were either drunk or had been dared into it.

“They might have done it because they lost a bet,” a person wrote.The photographs were taken about 4pm on Sunday on a road close to the city’s art museum, SET News reported. After the local police saw the images, officers were dispatched to the scene, but by the time they arrived the men had gone.

The police said that under local regulations the pair could face a fine of NT$300 (US$9.75) for dis

Two foreign bros wanted by police in Taiwan for sunbathing shirtless in the street

If caught, they could be fined $10

Apair of foreigners are wanted by police in Taiwan. Their crime? Sunbathing in the street.

On Monday afternoon, the two bros were spotted sitting shirtless on a pink blanket placed on a painted traffic divider at an intersection in the city of Changhua. Photos of the pair catching some rays were quickly posted onto a local Facebook group, warning drivers to be wary of half-naked foreigners in the street.

One Facebook user also caught video of one of the guys sitting down, preparing to soak up the sun.

Foreign men sunbathing on road baffle Taiwan motorists

Motorists in Taiwan got a surprise over the weekend when they spotted two men sunbathing on a city street, a local television station reported.

Photographs and video footage shared online showed the two Westerners, dressed only in shorts, arranging a towel on a hatched area of the road in Changhua and sitting down.
While the stunt appeared to be a prank, some social media users failed to see the funny side and issued sombre warnings to road users.
"People riding and driving on the road should be careful as foreigners are sunbathing there," a person wrote as an accompanying note to images posted on Facebook.
Another commenter described the men's behaviour as "very dangerous", while a third suggested they had mistaken the road for a beach in Hawaii.
Others were less concerned about the safety issue and suggested the pair were either drunk or had been dared into it.
"They might have done it because they lost a bet," a person wrote.
The photographs were taken about 4pm on Sunday on a road close to the city's art museum, SET News reported. After the local police saw the images, officers were dispatched to the scene, but by the time they arrived the men had gone.
The police said that under local regulations the pair could face a fine of NT$300 (US$9.75) for disturbing the traffic.

Having copied and pasted all this headline news, I've realized just how fucking lazy all these websites are. 

Now I know how Joan of Arc Felt

Magenta valentine's day started off ok - we met at laoli's bar and went to the best steak izakaya in Taipei. Then, it all went wrong when I tried to listen to the Smiths. I never saw any redeeming value in them in anyway, and especially not in Morrissey, but I drank Brown Liquid Medicine last night and dreamed about someone from undergrad who once talked down to me about the smiths and as glorious bitter vengeance, I started running throuhg their shitty back catalogue of blandness and uninspired hootenany false wit. Then I found a song that I kind of liked. It's kind of tolerable, and the riffs that sound like a sighing guitar were I suppose pretty definitive for the late 80s and early 90s pop that I hated as a child. We eventually stomped off on other sides of the sidewalk because one of us can't handle other opinions and the other can't handle criticism. It's really hard to imagine how people can stay tolerate 70 years of one another, but it's harder how anyone can really, truly be unironically into hte smiths.