I get by with a little help from my friends

Days have been going from very good to very bad and back again at a breakneck pace. As I've been working almost all of my waking life for several months now, a few maintenance problems have been on the backburner, namely, renewing my passport and residency permit. Because I'm Scrouge McDuck now, I can't bear the thought of losing revenue by missing a whole day of work, and each of those projects will take at least one whole day. This is because I'm registered in lzyk's hometown, and for such Taiwanese reason, I can't do the residency from Taipei and I have to go down there. 

I have to have photos for both. Today, I took off work with the expectation that I would solve the ARC problem. I got a line msg from a friend who told me "don't give up," out of no where. I thought it was a weird thing to write to me, but now I think maybe she's psychic. I googled passport photos and went to the first location. Only, it was a phone store now. I googled it again and went to another location. I don't know what kind of store it is, because they were closed and the shutters were down. I rode the train up to the place I had my photo taken back when I first got off the boat in Taiwan and was working for HESS (worst job ever). It wasn't a photo shop anymore. I remembered that the old MRT station had a kiosk, and I walked down there and had lunch at the old family noodle shop that used to be in the street, but rich assholes bitched and they had to move to a brick and mortar restaurant. Their pork liver soup, peanut noodles, and braised pork intestine is still delicious. They were delighted when I came in the door, and asked how lzyk is doing. I said fine. 

At the MRT station, I couldn't find the kiosk because it had been moved. Then I went to the counter to ask "passport photo? I want buy passport photo? Here you have passport photo? Here have photo? I want buy photo, you have photo? Uhh, you know photo [ miming camera clicking]? I want to have photo. For passport. This station have photo?" This went on and on, but I was wearing a tie and he was locked in the booth, so I was determined to get this sorted out (I'd like to add that although today was not a particularly hot day, wearing a tie here is at least partially insane. I get so sweaty that I have to have my ties dry cleaned, to wash out the sweat salt). Finally, the lightbulb went off in his head that I wanted to exchange money for a photograph of myself, and he pointed to the kiosk about 10m behind me. I don't know who is stupider; me, for not seeing the kiosk to start with, or him, for completely failing to understand what I was asking for several minutes. I even had my phone out. Google translate is hilariously bad for longer sentences, but I can't understand how it's possible to read the words "passport photo kiosk" in your own language and fail to guess that the foreigner is asking about a passport photo kiosk within the first five minutes. 

I thanked him for his time and there was much bowing and rounds of apologies on all sides, then I walked to the booth and selected the option that looked the most like passport photos. These bastards are $150 a sheet, and I didn't expect them to be very well blotted either. But I was willing to pay any price at this point. The problem was, the kiosk wouldn't accept my coins. It kept spitting them out. Fine, we'll go with cash, even though I can't get my $50 change. Fuck it. I'm desperate. It spit that cash back at me like a bitter stripper. Then I noticed it had an easycard swiper. Nice. Not nice. The screen started blinking with the English words, "PAYMENT ANOMALY." I left without any photos and asked the skate line group if anyone know how to get a selfie taken. They came through, and I felt suddenly reassured, for some reason. Maybe because without skating with them, I have felt incredibly alone, what with the whole marriage thing falling apart and working insane hours like a language prostitute on meth ("you wanna talk about costing down while maintaining customer centricity for IT security in emerging markets for 90 min? Ok sure, you got the cash? let me see it. you pay up front. Meet me at this coffee shop and don't make eye contact until I say ain't no thang but a chicken wang"). 

The hottest tip was that there was a booth at the MRT station by the immigration agency. This made a lot of sense that they would have a photo booth somewhere nearby, so I rode the train across the city looked around the station. There wasn't one that I could see. I asked the counter at the station about it, and if you want to know how that went, you can pretty much reread that paragraph about the last station, except there really wasn't a booth there anymore. As usual, RMJ saved the day and sent me a pin and a screen shot of google maps, with an actual booth in the picture. At  this point, I was learning not to get my hopes up, but I had to spend a few hours with teenage assholes before I could check it out. The only teenagers I can stand are the ones who skate. I hated that class so much, and I was pretty stressed, and completely soaked in sweat when I got there. Predictably, it sucked, but mostly because it reminded me of the bad old days at HESS, where students are completely unaccountable for their utter shittiness. For this reason, I won't be resigning at this branch of my school. After that, because I cancnelled my evening session, I walked by a massage place and thought, fuck it, I can use a handjob. Just kidding, it's a legit massage place at the MRT station. $400 for 30 min is pretty awesome. I didn't realize the masseuse would be blind though, and I stuttered and stumbled through the verbal process of understanding that he wanted me to lay on my side and not on my back. I can imagine the security cam footage at 3x speed, with Benny Hill music playing, and me trying to roll this way and that and him shouting No! and No! Yes! No! 

Anyway, I rode the train up to two ponds station and walked by good ole McKay hospital and eventually to the photobooth. I actually got the photos taken, after I had to walk back down the street to get the appropriate amount of change. For the next decade, my passport is going to have a picture of me looking furious and exhausted.

PS as I type this, it's 31 degrees in my house, because I either never got or lost my remote for the ac, which doesn't have a manual control. I haven't had time to try to find out how tf to find a place to buy a replacement, so I'm been typing and sleeping with a fan on max, six inches from me at all times. Also, the pukka that lives in my house knocked over the fan, and one blade broke, which made it unbalanced so now it vibrates loudly on low and shakes itself to pieces on high. I'm too tired to really give a fuck though. At least the vibration drowns out the bwaaaaaaaaap bwap bwaaaaaaap of the assholes on scooters. 

understanding is contageous

I've had some days with less work than others, but the last month has been filled with at least one meeting or research, every day straight. Today was meant to have been a mostly sleeping at home day,  but I woke up at 0500 and stayed wired as fuck all day. In the evening, I met with M and planned a business plan. Afterwards, my brain was fried but luckily IS and RMJ were already into a mission, so I changed clothes (already soaked through with sweat even though I was just walking and it was already 2200) and had some trouble getting used to riding the board. It was like I had ridden in a past life, but most of it had been lost in my transpermutation. I got to Main and was instantly treated to RMJ *** **** ******* the wall ride spot at the exit, and suspiciously long lasting spark from his truck, which later broke. We cruised up to the yellow jacket rail, which is still there, but has a post in front of it, and ubikes blocking part of the spot. For some reason, zombies were gathering around us, like a video game, keeping their distance, but staring slack jawed at the main characters.

If anyone has even been an npc in my life, it was all the people who watched us skate the rail, with no reaction, until we made it. IS and I hit it a few times, and we cruised on.

The block was hot, but that's why minquan station is fun. It's a tilled, noisy surface that leads slightly downhill to 46 degree pink marble banks, about 5ft high. They have rails on either side, but just enough space to do a small ****** or **** ***** to ******. It's not very impressive on video, but it's a spot that has to be skated at the sort of intensity that explains what I love about street skating. You get one try. Always. If you're quick, you might get two. The rest depend on how lazy security is. At this time, at the second busiest mrt station in the city, we were threading through waves of pedestrians being vomited out of the underground wormtrain and I assumed we would be arrested and imprisoned, so after I made some *******s, I fled, and thankfully, so did the homies. Also, holy shit, that spot is loud.

There is another spot, far across the city, past the banky pyramid taxi murder spot that they skated but I didn't, which is nearby a spot by the old old old house, from where I first moved to Taipei. It's a slappy curb, granite of course, grinds without wax, and has a wavy kicker running the length of it. It also has some rather ballsy many pads, with a chest high drop off the end of a .8m pad. We neglected to skate that part. 

I didn't expect to land anything tonight, so the yellow jacket rail was actually a serious surprise. I bailed on the first five roll ups (not in the modern, incorrectly used version of the term. It means when you roll up and chicken out, like punching out of an airplane. A bail is not a slam, but a slam can happen because of a bail). Anyway, I got a couple of curby things and we went down z-shan rd to the mini Hubba and sure enough, RMJ *** ******* it and IS **** ******** it. Security came out, but went back in after the first cig. We ended up at the family stoop, and I got a round for the house. Otherwise, what the fuck is the point of working so much?

PS 

RMJ you already know what this link is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L-wpS49KN00 

Sorry, I couldn't find the Die Antwoord track featuring Ceelo. 

Bonsai at human scale

wpn doesn't skate but at the purest level, he does. he doesn't do tricks, but he rides a short cruiser from home to work and back again, across the city, and that 's realer skating than anyone who only shows up at a skatepark. also, he doesn't seem to give a flying shit about it, which I respect. he lives on a rooftop (and inspired me to do so) and I went to his roofstoop to grill meat and drink, with other friends. miraculously, IS and ISF showed up, and the food was immaculate. everyone left to go home, and wpn and wandered around the park, drinking beers, and criticizing trees like they were bonzai trees. I have a new love for this city.

The Offerer is Gonna Keep One Minus Delta

Went to The Bridge with RMJ. the box, our pride and joy, was dismantled and in surgery. Cement angels were swooping down all over it, banging out coping and piling wood bits on it to keep assholes from skating it before it's mature enough. Then we drank and talked. Also, much respect for the core who spent their free time making this into a skatespot.

casablanca

having returned from the east coast, I did drink til aftermidnight. It was another drinking-on-a-nonscheduled-drinking-night-but-I-found-an-excuse-night. Namely, it's Tomb Sweeping day and I got kicked out of my family so I have no tombs to be swept. RMJ and I went to a spot just north of our last camping adventure, and this one was even better. I don't even have as many bug bites. But I have a lot. SS called me from Melbourne, he'll be here in a couple of weeks and I hope we can skate. Then I thought, fuck it, I'm going t odo a trash run and buy some beer. On the way back, a skater was at the stop light. "where is 101?" he asked, "I'm from Morrocco." Fucking happily, I showed him the way. He seemed stressed about getting back. Inshallah, ride safe.

Lzyk only responds with one or two word answers. At least we'll always have Paris.

Stack o' money in my left hand

Yes I've got a stack o' money in my right hand.

No one can call themselves a skater unless they're currently standing on a skateboard. I haven't been able to say that about myself for a long time, but I managed it for an hour tonight. The summer turned on as though someone flipped a light switch. My last session was actively chilly, if I wasn't moving, but this one was actively sweaty, and filled with swarms of mosquitos. They were a good incentive to keep moving. I left at 23:00 and rolled down the hill to the cricket curbs. I brought some gulfwax and wizzend it up. It never really got going, but probably because I was going too slow and putting too emphasis on my front foot, like always. It spat rain a few times, and I thought I'd have to head back before my hour was up. I stacked some cones for relearning how to skate from scratch. I sort of relearned the fundamentals, such as I ever knew them. This deck is beautiful, but the terrible geometry means the pop is absent. At least I skated. 

PH brought me some fancy beers, so I'm having one, even though it's not a scheduled beer night. I made some big sales this week, so that's gonna be my excuse. Also, we have tombsweeping holiday vacation free time extravaganza, so I don't have ot work for the next four days. Today I ran around Taipei with a trashbag full of empty beercans, chasing the ice cream truck. Wilbur, my bathroom gecko is back. I reckon that's about all that's new in this neck of the woods.